Silence

Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all. Unless somebody asks for your direct input, it is often wiser to keep advice to yourself. Always consider the situation before chiming in uninvited - information is a tool, and tools in the hands of the unskilled become more dangerous than useful.

Going Off-Script

Sperbs tend to play games by the rules. Sometimes we make our own rules that others might not know about, but we play by an established set of rules regardless. That makes us a bit predictable - which is a pretty bankable quality in an employee or team member, but also something potential enemies can and will exploit.

If "they" know how you will react to a certain stimulus, "they" can take advantage of that reaction as either a distraction (so they can accomplish what they wanted while your attention is diverted) or as something to entrap you with. Every once in a while, it's a good idea to do something you aren't expected to do to keep people on their toes.

If somebody touches a hot-button subject, choke down your normal reaction, laugh and say soething like "Are you on THAT again?" Accept a social invitation you usually wouldn't (within reason, of course). Order a different lunch entree or get a different drink or something small like that.

Let's face it, people will talk about you. People do that - they talk about other people. Why not give them something more interesting to talk about every once in a while?

Failure

It will happen. Use it as a learning experience and try not to punish yourself too harshly over it. If at what you failed is terribly important, a line of other people will form around the block to punish you - save yourself the effort.

I'm trying to apply that lesson to myself. I feel like crud for failing to blog to you these last two days, because my head won't stop throbbing. I got myself into a have-to-work mentality today because... well... I have to work, but on the weekends it is extremely difficult. I promise you that I'm doing my best, but sometimes my best isn't very good.

Priorities

The events of the last few months have me thinking a lot about priorities. This isn't so much as a Sperbs thing as a help-your-son-avoid-your-own-mistakes thing, since my priorities as a younger adult weren't always where they should be.

If a close friend or family member needs you is his or her presence for good reasons (like a wedding or reunion) or bad reasons (like illness or a funeral), that must be Priority One. Everything else can take a back seat in those situations. Twenty years down the road, both you and your friend/family member will be much more glad that you were there with and for him/her during the best and worst times than you would if you'd gone to class or work that day.

If somebody is paying you for your time, the task they for which pay you during that time for which you are being paid should be your next priority (I'm on lunch break right now - that's different ;-}). This similarly applies to school work during school hours until you get into the working world.

Your priorities after that will define and be determined by who you are and what you value. As long as those first two are in place, you should be in great shape no matter where you take it from there.

Worry

Worry is a byproduct of responsibility and just as difficult for the Sperb to deal with. There is only one logical way to confront worry - address the situation that worries you as directly as possible and confirm its status.

When you address the worrisome situation, you can react properly: if all is well, be relieved; if your fears are confirmed, then act to correct them as best as you can. Sitting by and passively worrying doesn't accomplish anything but indigestion. Worrying won't put out a fire or make a friend in the hospital well, but calling to see if everybody is OK can at least let you rest easier.

Responsibility

This is a tough one for Sperbs. We tend to think if our name, belief, hope or faith is in any way attached to a project, it is our responsibility to ensure it succeeds - and if the project does not succeed, the failure belongs to us entirely.

I'm still learning this one myself. I've finally gotten over the sports thing - it was in no way my fault that any of the recent Ohio teams I follow (OSU Football, OSU Basketball, Cleveland Cavaliers, Akron Aeros, or Cleveland Indians) did not claim The Big Prize in their championship games / series. Ten years ago, I would have pretty much set myself on fire by now, fully conviced that I had cheered wrong or something similarly inane to cause my teams to come up short. I'm still working on separating my performance for the project's performance for things I have a more active role in.

If you execute your portion of a project well and you offer help to others working on the project when they request, you have done all you can do. If the project on the whole tanks, well that's a disappointment, but you shouldn't lose sleep over it.

You should assign yourself responsiblity for anything over which you have control, but even then outside forces can mess it up for you - weather, theft, Sparky piddling on it while you sleep, etc.

Always do your best, and always take responsibility for what is yours to control. If your efforts were successful, you were successful - regardless of the final status of the project.

Shouters

Sperbs and cats have a lot of things in common, one of which is how easily we can be distracted by shiny things in our peripheral vision. With cats, that is literal; with Sperbs, it's more figurative.

If something or somebody is glitzy, eye-catching, loud, flamboyant, etc., Sperbs have a tendency to pay attention to them - often too much, being flash-blinded by the charisma, loudness, what have you.

If what someone has to say is truly worth listening to, it shouldn't have to be shouted. Media talking heads, street preachers, politicians, entertainment stars, and other attention-addicted individuals will say they have answers: just because theirs are the loudest doesn't mean they are the best - and they are almost never thorough. If the best answers to life's important questions could fit on a bumper sticker, the English language wouldn't need half a million words.

Punctuality

Sperbs tend to be obsessive about being on time - it isn't good enough to be on time, we have to be early. If we show up at 8:01 to an 8:00 event, we consider the evening wrecked.

Granted, at school and in many workplaces, being on time is rather imperative. Out in the social world, punctuality impresses some people some of the time, so it still matters. What is more important, however, is that you contribute positively and enjoy the event you attend, regardless on which side of the stated start time you arrive. If you show up five minutes late and leave everybody happy by the end of the night, nobody will kick you off their next guest list for tardiness.

Cats

Cats are awesome. We can all learn from cats.

Even the most pampered, protected indoor cat has an air of independence about him. Lesson: Never sacrifice your personality to get along - all of us owe somebody something, and the only thing we truly own is ourselves.

If you're charming enough, you can take food right off somebody's plate and they'll laugh about it. If you whine at the foot of the table, you won't get anything but smacked no matter how cute you are. Lesson: Actions are rewarded. Mere talk is spurned.

Last but most definitely not least: If all else fails, take a nap.

The Naked Truth

Most people simply don't want it, but Sperbs are hard-wired to give it out for free. Try not to blurt out unsolicited observations, especially in non-critical situations where people's feelings could be hurt. If somebody is driving the wrong way down a one-way road, by all means don't wait for an invitation to chime in, but in most situations a Sperb's observations are best made in silence.

If somebody asks for your opinion on a situation, however, don't lie. Let them know where you stand, phrased in a tactful manner if possible, even if it's somewhere they may not want to follow.

Multiple Concussions

Avoid them. Protect your head.

This is only tangentially related to being a Sperb - although the inherent clumsiness will make you more prone to knocks on the bean. It's more to explain why I can think of a decent topic to write about today.

I scored my eighth concussion back in July, and in late August they all came back to haunt me at once. I'm currently on some goofball medication for the pain and confusion... but it doesn't always work very well. Sorry about that.

Hero Worship

Sperbs tend to lack moderation (have you picked up on that theme yet?) and that often extends into the area of hero worship. If there is a person you admire, think deeply about what particular characteristics you admire about that person, then emulate those characteristics. Borrowing your hero's hairstyle, wardrobe style, eating what he/she eats, "liking" the same music or games your hero likes, etc., doesn't bring you any closer to your hero.

If you're looking for acceptance and/or admiration, adopting the positive characteristics of the people *you* admire is a great way to go about it, so long as they can tell that you're still Danny.

Extremes

(I'll double up tomorrow - today was busier than I thought it would be...)

Sperbs go in extremes: we're disappointed if we get a 95 when 100 points are possible, second-place finishes make us upset, we don't tolerate any relxaing of standards or bending of rules, etc. This tendency toward the extreme also applies in consumption. We consider the all-you-can-eat buffet a personal challenge, often eating until we are uncomfortable - or if we're dieting, we will eat no more than that diet allows... often less to make it work that much better (or so we think).

Extremes in consumption are bad. With food, they will make you either obese or anorexic. With spending, either hopelessly in debt or miserably tight-fisted. With drinking alcohol either an erratic, vomiting sloppy drunk or an uptight neoprohibitionist (but this discussion is for another day about a decade or so away...) Suffice to say extremism, natural tendency or not, is best curbed.

Eat until you aren't hungry any more, then stop. If there is still food on your plate, so be it - in Ohio we call those "leftovers". Eventually, you'll start taking just as much food as you know you'll want, so that shouldn't be a problem for long anyway. When you're thirsty, drink unti you stop being thirsty. Any more will make you sluggish and waterlogged (and, yes, these rules apply even when it tastes really good.) Consumption in moderation maximizes your likelihood of enjoyment since it decreases discomfort.

It takes a while to rewire the circuit board, so don't be disappointed in yourself if every once in a while you destroy a buffet table. Memory of the discomfort after a gorging session will likely be enough of an incentive to get back on track for the next time.

Career Planning

(I missed yesterday. I'll double up tomorrow, probably.)

I know you're twelve, and career planning isn't something you should have to concern yourself with at this point. We're kind of in a new age now, though, and we need to start looking ahead earlier than we used to. Besides, this is a positive suggestion that lets you still be a kid while "working" toward you future.

Sperbs tend to get locked in for life their chosen pastime / hobby / obsessions by the time we're twelve or thirteen. I still can't get enough music, baseball, and/or hockey, and now I painfully wish I'd pursued careers in one of those fields back when my future was bright and wide open. But I was twelve in a remote farming / industrial community in the early 1980's, so I only knew of high-profile jobs in soprts and music as performers or coaches, so I punted - you live in San Diego and have Google.

Don't entirely commit to your career at twelve - that would absolutely be a bad idea - but start getting information on ways to convert your passions into your living. I'm sure there are professional statisticians in golf, since there are golf fantasy leagues. Golf probably also has its share of historians who pursue the past with a relentlessness that only a passion for the game of your caliber could create.

Obviously, space studies require a lot of scientists and physicists. That requires a heck of a lot of complex math - requiring both superior aptitude and passion for the subject matter. For that matter, golf equipment / course design would also involve a lot of physics. Physics is only easy for a select few, of which I'd think you could be one. Some things stop being fun when they start being work - but you'll never know unless you go after it.

Fascination

Sperbs get fascinated by something then study it. The more detail we discover, the more we get infatuated with it. We get so deeply ensconsed that we simply can't imagine anybody could avoid having an interest in the topic - especially once that person learns about it. Thus, we have a tendency to spread the gospel by gushing with statistics and descriptions related to our hobby/pastime/obsession at great length to anybody with functioning ears.

Odds are about 1000 to 1 against converting anybody to your fascination by quoting facts and statistics. Odds are also about 10 to 1 in favor of that person already having an opinion regarding your chosen passion based on personal tastes and life experiences. Increasing the frequency and/or volume of the fact delivery will provide no positive effects, either.

I used to read the statistics off baseball cards out loud to my mother and sisters at ludicrous length. In hindsight, I have no idea how they avoided jackslapping me on a regular basis. I'm still a baseball nut, and the statistics still fascinate me, but I try to keep the details to myself and only share baseball discussions with confirmed baseball fans.

One reason is now that I'm an adult, baseball-averse friends can jackslap me without the risk of child abuse charges - but the whole "to each his own" principle is the overarching reason. Please share your interests, but try not to force them on people.

Perfection - Your Own

(Note: I'm shortening our term to "Sperbs." If you're only saving one letter, it's not much of an abbreviation, eh?)

Sperbs are hard-wired to try to be the best at everything we do. We have very high expectations of ourselves - especially if we study the topic before attempting it. If we don't perform at the highest level, we walk away discouraged and angry with ourselves.

This is not healthy. Granted one should always look to improve one's self - especially in their chosen professional field - but being the best or being perfect is something we are not likely to accomplish. In any non-academic pursuit which may have a physical element, Sperbs are at a disadvantage from the get-go - our fine motor skills on the whole aren't too good (meaning we tend to be clumsy and/or awkward).

Even in academic pursuits, we have our hurdles - namely ourselves and our own fear of imperfection. We're so concerned with not missing a question, sometimes we overthink it and answer something entirely wrong.

I know this is easier to say than do (since I still have trouble with it and I'm 26 years older than you), but we need to give ourselves more realistic expectations. Set modest goals for your first time out, then slowly increase those goals with practice. Don't even compare yourself to the rest of the field until your performance starts rating on the leaderboards.

Odds are the person who wins dedicates a lot of their lives to whatever it may be, and has done so for a long time. Wait until you have done so for a long time before comparing yourself to that person - that is the only fair comparison.

Sensitivity

We Sperbergers tend to be very sensitive to criticism, constructive or otherwise. As hard as it is to do, try to consider the source of the criticism before feeling bruised.

If Mom, Grampa, or a trusted teacher - somebody you truly love and/or respect - are suggesting you do something differently, they are only trying to help you improve or correct yourself. It's really a sign of love and/or caring for you... it may just sound a little meaner than the other signs.

If a classmate tries to correct you in class, odds are he or she is trying to learn the material better herself by asking the teacher or help you learn it better. Granted, that classmate may look a bit smug and self-satisfied when he or she *does* correct you, but that is only because you are so rarely wrong - such rarities are happy finds for the finder.

If somebody just out-and-out criticizes the way you look, talk, dress, walk, play sports, etc., they are being children. Children do that. You won't remember who said what about which of your shirts in twenty years, so in the big picture it's not that important. If you can find the strength to laugh at the criticism, however, it is possible the kid making fun will remember you in twenty years as a really good person.

Appearance

We Sperpergers at times get so swept up in the details of our pursuits that we neglect to make ourselves presentable. In a perfect world, your physical appearance wouldn't matter as long as you are a good person with something to offer. This world isn't perfect, and we can't make it that way singlehandedly - appearance matters.

Make enough of an effort on your hygiene and appearance to avoid standing out in the wrong way. You don't have to be Fashion King, but brushing the teeth, washing, and putting on clean proper clothes before going outside go a long way toward aiding your long term goals.

Your mind may be brilliant, but nobody sees your mind. Granted in the chat-room texting, IM world of today you can probably get away with a lot more jammies-time, but when you need to physically encounter somebody else to offer ideas, you'll want their attention on your words and thoughts, not the condition of your breath, hair or sweatpants.

Truthfulness / Honesty / Openness

One of the more distinct traits of Sperbergers is our tendency to take things to their extremes. This is rarely appreciated by others, nor is it often appropriate for many situations - even when the thing in question is telling the truth.

I do not advocate lying, but there are three distinct levels of truth-telling (which I've learned from playing Texas Hold 'em Poker):

Truthfulness: Offering correct answers to questions only when asked directly, and only answering the exact question asked.

Honesty: Truthfully answering questions and filling in enough background information to be clear as to why you answered how you did. Details are most often left out.

Openness: Being honest while offering all information you have on the question at hand.

Openness should be reserved for a select circle of people - people to whom you would entrust Sparky if you went away for a week. Mom, Grampa, and Grandma are good examples. Later in life, you'll want to be open with your spouse and children. Being open with a doctor is also a good idea if you hurt and you can't figure out why.

Honesty is the best policy for closer friends, trusted teachers, and counselors.

With everybody else, I'd recommend truthfulness. Information is a valuable tool, like a hammer. Giving a hammer to a carpenter friend is a good idea - giving a hammer to a shady stranger... not so much.

School

Sperbergers tend to do really well in school because we thrive in situations where goals and progress are quantifiable and distinctly measured. Also, school breaks the day up into periods where you take on the same subject at the same time every day - a perfect scheduling structure in which the Sperberger mind can succeed more readily.

However, once we're out of school, things aren't so nicely formatted for us. Once way to get a little practice for that radical change of pace is to take a few courses in liberal arts-type classes (Literature, Art, etc.) where measurement of progress is more subjective. The idea is to learn your way around inside less structured environment, as well as to exercize different parts of the brain that multiple-choice tests don't affect.

Routines

It happenned again. I'll catch up.

Routines are very important for us Sperbergers - often if we don't do stuff in the order we've set up for ourselves, we forget to do it entirely. That could be exceptionally bad in situations like remembering medication or putting on pants, so we often pursue our routines with single-minded fervor, brushing off any outside interference.

Eventually, the time will come when you can't brush off the interference - some emergency at home, a priority shift at work, etc. At that point it may seem that all is lost and the day is ruined. Try to think of it as the day being different - you're out of your comfort zone for sure, but this is a good chance to test your life skills. Odds are you'll forget something - don't beat yourself up over it. If you forgot something trivial, you consider it a learning experience; if you forget something critical, somebody will probably be willing to to the beating for you. Save your energy.

Friends

Find people you genuinely like - not so much for their stuff or their looks or their talent/skills - and learn from them. We Sperbergers tend to glom around with fellow serious student types, which functions quite well for learning school subjects, but tends to leave us a bit behind the curve in personal skills development.

It's always good to have a few friends who aren't all that interested in being 4.0 students. You may find they could be if they dedicated themselves exclusively to studies, but they consider social development more important. Once you get out of school, most people won't really care whether you had a 3.7 or 3.9 GPA, but they will be interested in having you around if you are genuinely fun and interesting to talk with.

You will encounter people who talk about the simplest, most mundane topics but they hold your audience with their delivery, style and / or demeanor. Such people are the ones that make great friends. You can learn from each other - shore up your shortcomings with his/her expertise and vice versa - and genuinely enjoy your time. You'll remember that a heck of a lot more than your Algebra textbook twenty ywears from now.

Art

(First, let me acknowledge I missed leaving you a note yesterday. It was a rather awful day, and I couldn't get time and mindset to work together. I'll double up today.)

Find something artistic that speaks to you, be it writing, music, drawing, etc., and hold onto it. Artistic pursuits (active or passive) are brilliant for Sperbergers since they employ the entire brain - the creative as well as the analytical portions.

The important (and difficult) part about artistic pursuit and the Sperberger - engage in your art for your own satisfaction. Good art for the Sperberger is art that utilizes creative energy positively. Even if you come back to your work an hour after it's completed and think it is utter crap, the piece served its purpose.

Don't pursue or get too hung up on public appreciation for your art - accept it if it exists, but shrug it off if it doesn't. Popularity is not a measure of artistry - many of the most artistically-sound musical acts I've ever heard never got radio play, yet Nickelback sells out concerts.

Perfection - Others

This is the main element of Sperbergers that drives the Normals nuts. We feel the need to correct every mistake - ours or others - whether or not doing so is a requirement. In the classroom, this can be a positive trait (as long as we don't correct the star linebacker publicly, then laugh at him for being wrong in the first place). In real life... not so much. People only want to be corrected if they are asking you for your input - other than that, they find our quest for perfection on their behalf quite annoying.

In social settings, I would only try to correct others on their facts (not grammar, spelling, or errant delivery) - and even then only correct the facts that are pertinent to the topic at hand. When you first attempt to swallow that impulse to correct someone, it will feel like a caffeinated frog is trying to jump out of your tightly-closed mouth. Unsettling, true... but not as unsettling as losing a friend over your nitpicking or getting punched out by somebody who isn't too fond of being corrected.

Religion / Spirituality / Belief

I have no answers here, but I do have guidelines.

Remember that with all the various religions, sects, sub-sects, denominations, splinter groups and whatnot in the world, there isn't a single belief system similarly held by even 20% of the people on Earth - so no matter which one (if any) you think is right, at least 80% of the planet believes just as strongly that you're wrong.

Always be wary of belief systems that demand absolute blind faith in the word of a stranger as one of its tenets. Cults get started that way.

Finally, at the risk of sounding domineering or dismissive: Scientology is crap. Don't even go there.

Exercise

Exercise and fitness is very important. You may already know as such. However, I was 28 years old before I even touched a barbell, and as a recent convert I'm still singing its praises.

Exercising has many benefits besides helping you look your best (which is a topic all to itself). Exercise, especially a ten or fifteen minute morning routine, gets your endorphins to circulate which can give you extra energy (and blood flow to that big brain in your head) all day long. A decent low-impact, low-weight, high-repetition resistance and/or aerobic workout helps to increase lung capacity, which increases oxygen concentration in the blood, which adds even more life to the brain.

Exercise is also good for self-confidence, which we Sperbergers at times lack in spades. On those days where everything you touch seems to go wrong (and we all have them), if you have a decent exercise routine, you can sit back and tell yourself "at least I made myself healthier today." It also gives you a sense of control over your general health and well-being, which fosters a bit of pride.

(Oh, by the way, golfing once a week or so doesn't quite cut it. One of my good friends golfs once a week in a league, and he still weighs over 400 pounds. I think he uses a cart, but were I you I'd still do a few push-ups and crossover stretches every day just to be safe!)