Intelligence is important, but being smart is just as important - and there is a very sharp difference. "Intelligence" is the mental ability to apply stored knowledge to solve an intellectual or theoretical situation. "Smarts" are the ability to apply information, knowledge and personal intanglible qualities to affect a desirable result to a real-life situation - some fuzzy, ever-shifting, unquantifiable blend of knowledge, common sense, personality and emotional control.
Sperbergers tend to be heavy in the intelligence area but light in the smarts. Unless we plan on a successful career in research science or winning Jeopardy, we get paid by people living in the real world. Becoming smart takes a heck of a lot more practice and effort for us. Start noting how people react to your statements, input or reactions (mentally - don't whip out a note pad). If you aren't satisfied with the results, ask people you trust what they think you could change, TAKE THEIR ADVICE (something else on we Sperbergers are none too keen), note that result, and repeat. It will take a very long time, being much more art than science, but eventually it will become as natural for you as answering Grampa's questions about golf.
Some of the smartest people I know couldn't solve a Sudoku to save their brother's lives, but they are very successful both financially and personally. Furthermore, I've seen more unsavvy certifiable geniuses turn out miserable and destitute than I care to count. We need them both to get along in this world, Kiddo - it took me a long time to figure that one out, too.
30 September 2007
29 September 2007
Friends and Family
In the long run, nothing in your life is as important as friends and family. I'm not the first to say this, but I may be the most recent to believe it.
While in school, I thought the single most important thing was getting perfect grades. I never quite accomplished it, but it was the main thing I cared about. A high grade-point average was quantifiable greatness - thus the pinnacle of achievement. That opinion started to fade in my senior year for some reason, and friends became important. I finished my high-school days 5th out of a class of 181, but I definitely had more friends than the top four students. To me, that was a win.
College was the same thing - grades and friends were all that mattered. The friends, of course, were on *my* terms, since I didn't make a lot of time to nurture any difficult friendships - I had to study to get good grades after all. I got out OK with a 3.50 GPA and Honors in Accounting, and I still consider my college buddies close friends, even though I haven't seen or heard from many of them in years. I don't know if they feel the same way, however, and sometimes that makes me sad.
After college, when the friends went their separate ways, I was on my own, and self-sufficiency become my only driving force. Again, an admirable goal, but it shouldn't be all-encompassing.
Sperbergers have a very difficult time finding gray area, and comprimising on The Main Goal to achieve an unrelated positive simply doesn't make sense to us. The sense in doing so is a hard lesson to learn, and for what to do so isn't a picnic either. I let your Mom move across the country to live with Gandma and Grandpa without me because I was so stubbornly dedicated to self-sufficiency. I spurned the charity of family for what in my mind at the time was The Greater Good.
There will be times that family may seem like a diversion from what is more important. If the situation is going to a ball game when you need to study for a big test, you may be right empirically - but at 38 years old I can tell you I remember the ballgames I went to with my family, but can't for the life of me remember what grade I got on what test and when. Further, today I don't give a whit about the test scores, but with my sister Denise gone, I sure do treasure those ball games.
While in school, I thought the single most important thing was getting perfect grades. I never quite accomplished it, but it was the main thing I cared about. A high grade-point average was quantifiable greatness - thus the pinnacle of achievement. That opinion started to fade in my senior year for some reason, and friends became important. I finished my high-school days 5th out of a class of 181, but I definitely had more friends than the top four students. To me, that was a win.
College was the same thing - grades and friends were all that mattered. The friends, of course, were on *my* terms, since I didn't make a lot of time to nurture any difficult friendships - I had to study to get good grades after all. I got out OK with a 3.50 GPA and Honors in Accounting, and I still consider my college buddies close friends, even though I haven't seen or heard from many of them in years. I don't know if they feel the same way, however, and sometimes that makes me sad.
After college, when the friends went their separate ways, I was on my own, and self-sufficiency become my only driving force. Again, an admirable goal, but it shouldn't be all-encompassing.
Sperbergers have a very difficult time finding gray area, and comprimising on The Main Goal to achieve an unrelated positive simply doesn't make sense to us. The sense in doing so is a hard lesson to learn, and for what to do so isn't a picnic either. I let your Mom move across the country to live with Gandma and Grandpa without me because I was so stubbornly dedicated to self-sufficiency. I spurned the charity of family for what in my mind at the time was The Greater Good.
There will be times that family may seem like a diversion from what is more important. If the situation is going to a ball game when you need to study for a big test, you may be right empirically - but at 38 years old I can tell you I remember the ballgames I went to with my family, but can't for the life of me remember what grade I got on what test and when. Further, today I don't give a whit about the test scores, but with my sister Denise gone, I sure do treasure those ball games.
Happy Birthday, Danny!
For your twelfth birthday, I decided to give you a more personal gift than simply shipping some stuff to San Diego with a card attached (besides I'm only batting about .400 with those gifts anyway, eh?) What I'm giving you - hopefully - is a little guidance for stumble through the teen years you have ahead of you as an Aspberger kid (which I will hereinafter call Sperbergers for the sake of literary flow).
As you probably know, I am a Sperberger myself. Of course, as a twelve-year-old I didn't know that since the syndrome wasn't catalogued until I was 25 years old. When your Mom called me to let me know you were diagnosed with Asperger's, I looked it up on the Web - I'm pretty much a point-on-point match. This blog is intended to help you through the rough life transition ahead as a teenaged Sperberger with the help of my experiences, my insight, and my love for you.
I appreciate that there are differences between your environment and mine - I had one at-home parent, you have three; I grew up in a mostly closed-minded farm country in the early 1980's, you live in an enlightened and vibrant city with all the helpful technology of the 21st Century at your fingertips - but if I've learned anything, people are still people, teenagers are still teenagers, and feelings are still feelings wherever and whenever you grow up. Your Sperberger mental and emotional wiring may present challenges in the years ahead that can be best served by one who has walked in those moccassins.
All that being said, I will throw down thoughts and experiences here that you may find helpful in the coming years. I will make every effort to carve at least ten minutes out of every day from here on out to toss some wisdom into this blog for you (Blogger is ridiculously easy to use). If you are having any particular quandaries or questions you would like me to address, please let me know - I certainly don't feel I'm the wisest person you know, or that I've been the best Dad on Earth so far, but I *have* been a Sperberger 26 years longer than you have (and 38 years longer than anyone else around you) and we *do* share DNA, so the potential for unique insight definitely exists.
I look forward to hearing from you. This may not help you now or next month, but keep it bookmarked for those times you have questions that nobody else around can answer.
Love,
Dad
As you probably know, I am a Sperberger myself. Of course, as a twelve-year-old I didn't know that since the syndrome wasn't catalogued until I was 25 years old. When your Mom called me to let me know you were diagnosed with Asperger's, I looked it up on the Web - I'm pretty much a point-on-point match. This blog is intended to help you through the rough life transition ahead as a teenaged Sperberger with the help of my experiences, my insight, and my love for you.
I appreciate that there are differences between your environment and mine - I had one at-home parent, you have three; I grew up in a mostly closed-minded farm country in the early 1980's, you live in an enlightened and vibrant city with all the helpful technology of the 21st Century at your fingertips - but if I've learned anything, people are still people, teenagers are still teenagers, and feelings are still feelings wherever and whenever you grow up. Your Sperberger mental and emotional wiring may present challenges in the years ahead that can be best served by one who has walked in those moccassins.
All that being said, I will throw down thoughts and experiences here that you may find helpful in the coming years. I will make every effort to carve at least ten minutes out of every day from here on out to toss some wisdom into this blog for you (Blogger is ridiculously easy to use). If you are having any particular quandaries or questions you would like me to address, please let me know - I certainly don't feel I'm the wisest person you know, or that I've been the best Dad on Earth so far, but I *have* been a Sperberger 26 years longer than you have (and 38 years longer than anyone else around you) and we *do* share DNA, so the potential for unique insight definitely exists.
I look forward to hearing from you. This may not help you now or next month, but keep it bookmarked for those times you have questions that nobody else around can answer.
Love,
Dad
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